LIFE AS IT IS

.PEACE BE UPON YOU.

It feels good at times to tap these fingers for the blog. Very funny how I find blogging still relevant even after other social media swamped the internet. I guess something about blogging that makes me feel like there is still me in there somewhere. When looking back at my previous post, knowing that life isn't that bad after all. Every time I feel like my world is falling apart, this space reminds me that, soon everything will be okay again.

As Im writing right now, I have to admit. This is probably one of those entry which I wrote due to a life decision that I have no idea how to maneuver. I always know what I want. That is one thing about me that Im always proud of. Even when I made bad decisions in life, at least those decisions were once what I believe in. Have you been in a point of your life where you just lost direction of what is it you want in life. Everything was planned before your eyes and suddenly, you just don't know anymore. Or mayyybe sometimes you think you are finally doing something right but nothing is moving into places. 

I think that is just how life is. I think everyone once went through this phase in their life. Trying to figure out or wonder where your dreams are going. I think like me, you were once torn in between two road and you just stood there in the middle. never wanting to make any move because not moving is better than making another mistake. I think at another point, we are tired of making mistake. And by trying not to make one, we end up making a few anyway. I think that is just how life is.

Out of all those lucky people out there, I also feel that I am one of them. There are moments in our life where God grant those beautiful people so that you won't be alone when you need as much strength as possible to get through the trouble that you get yourself into. I feel lucky because I was given a man (of course other than my dad! duhh) with the utmost perfection to complement my flaws at the most perfect timing ever. And my prayers go to him every night before I sleep for being able to withstand a woman who is equally crazy like any other women in this world (lol!)(Come on, women are all different but our craziness are in an equal dose). And darn it! if I have to write another sentence about him, I might shed tears because at this moment, about 2.30 am in the morning, I love him more than ever. I think that is just how life is. You fall in love.

With all the love you receive from the world, you fear that your decision/s will affect people that you love so much. With all the dreams that you want to achieve, I am fully aware that there are few adjustment I have to make. You can't have everything in the world darling. I once told myself that I can have what I one without sacrificing anything if I work on it. But life as it is, it won't allow you to do that. Maybe in the most freakiest way ever, life is a machine. It was designed in a certain way and you can't simply unscrew the bolt hoping that the machine will work the same way as it used to be. I think that is just how life is. 

Im at my last paragraph now and I still have no idea on what is my next move. Maybe I will figure out later but it makes me feel better when I am able to write. To my Redha, if you stumble upon this, I hope you know that every time I keep things away from you, only because I have no strength anymore to let it out. Even if i have to, you would probably notice that it comes with tears. And I hate it so much when you have to see me cry. Always remember, at this very moment, you are one of the best decision I made in life. 

Enough of everything. The world is miserable enough, I'll gather strength to make life a wonderful journey. After all, this is just what life is. Just like what happen in the past, this too shall pass. 

 

 

CURIGA

"BUKANKAH KECURIGAAN ITU TERBUNUH BILA KITA BERSAPA"- Usman Awang

JUST MAYBE

Maybe, you just want to be 

with someone who you can just say

f you. And love him at the same time. 

And laugh through bunch of uncivilised and offensive jokes while fight over how stupid those jokes are but you still wish you can joke more. Maybe a name crossed to your mind but life happens and adults are complex being. 
Just maybe.

MOUNTAINS AND RUNNING TRACKS

.PEACE BE UPON YOU.

How crazy is life. Day in day out, I've been writting on this blog for 7 freaking years. From short fat potato girl to still a potato. You know, from russet potato to sweet potato. Lols! Anyhow, life crossed me million times and couldn't thank God more for what I have today. 

In this world, for ambition, I only wanted to be a travelling writer/ journalist.

For dreams, I just want to sing under the stars with my friends, I want to laugh on crapy jokes while eating ice-cream, to have my own business, to have as much time to conquer more mountains and to run every single marathon, to travel with people that I dearly love every single month, to have the simplest wedding for me and my future husband, to eat without getting fat, and to more dreams that might cross my mind every 10 secs. 

For hopes and prayers, I hope & pray that I will grow stronger and be much more independent each day, I hope & pray that God will bless my family with endless happiness, I hope & pray that my parents will continue doing things that they missed back then when they were young because they are too busy making sure that my life is wonderful, I hope & pray that people that I love are blessed with wonderful years to come, I hope & pray that my ambition will benefit the society, I hope & pray that one day I will fall in love with the man that I've been waiting for, so madly in love, my bestfriend and marry one, I hope & pray that I will be a better lover to people around me, I hope & pray that my future children will be able to endure my craziness as well as their yet to be found dady (but we are going to be a pretty awesome parents kiddos!), I hope & pray that all of us learn to be patient with time because only with time, life will be effortlessly beautiful.

With all the ambition, dreams, hopes and prayers, nothing will stop me from seizing the day. To everything that I want in my life I will work hard for it. so God, help me. 

ACROSS THE VALLEY

.PEACE BE UPON YOU.

"somewhere between right and wrong, there is a garden. I will meet you there." -rumi

"To love a man is to support his passions; to be in love with a man is not only to back his passions, but also to admire them to the point that his hunger for them motivates you to be just as hungry for yours."   -unknown

Remember, love won't let you drain, it will always gives you the drive to be better each day. No matter what you love, whom you love, where you are at that time. Don't settle for anything less in whatever you do. I have seen it myself that only with love, I arrived at the finishing line when I run, with love, I am at the top of the mountain, and only by being in love you keep on standing 10 after falling 8. May we be showered with strength to always be in love with Him and His creations. 

ON RISKING LIFE

.PEACE BE UPON YOU.


"the beginning of love is to let those we love to be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. otherwise, we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them." 

Writing on this blog has always given me that voice of reason. Mainly to remind me that the world and life as a whole are not butterflies and rainbows. As I grow older, life gets much more complicated yadda, yadda and all those adult thingy. But, it also teaches you to lead a simple life and just be happy with what your have right now so that the radar of your complexity notion in your life can be reduced. Agree? 

Stepping into 2015 and looking back on the first day I started writing here, is a huge mile stone. Started blogging simply because everyone else is doing it, and honestly, I have no freaking idea of who I am. Just like you, I went through a phase where I am still searching myself. My identity, what kind of person I am, what do i actually want in life. But blogging have always keep my sanity right in place. I know that this is a public site and people can just read it whenever they want to, hence, I tried my best to relate with others through my writing. Not much of a power writer (obviously lah!) but I want readers to know that we are all standing on the same ground and we experience almost the same thing in our process of searching ourselves. We might not be in the same boat but we definately can relate to each other. 

This year I have this sort of vision passing before my eyes telling me that 2015 is going to be a very challenging year. 2014 was a whole new world for me. I finally make more friends than what I have in my social circle. LOL! and I enjoy my life nevertheless. Marathon is my biggest life motivator and it reminds me that impossible is possible. You just need to push yourself. In order to test my strength before I'll be send out to the real world with the real deal, 2015 will be my biggest test. Hopefully I will graduate this year and go for my dreams. Always wanted to be part of journalism world because I want to contribute something through writing. Who knows. I believe, no matter what I choose to be in the future, I hope, I will contribute something to the society. At least part of my life is not wasted on doing something that have no benefit at all. 

I have risk my life since the day I was born (you know, my head was being vacuumed during my delivery sebab perut mumy macam lagi best je nk buat port lepak) and then, everything after that, was and is my choice. I was raised in a family where my parents will try their best to provide the best for their children, and me being me, I will go against their will because we have different ideas on what is best (10 years after, I realised that they were always right). But no matter, my life decisions took me to where I am today and I will never change it for anything else. Right now, I won't settle for anything less because I never taught myself to do so. I will keep pushing myself to that extra limit because now I know that anything is possible. Even so, in the name of God, I am very happy with what I have today. Although it is not as much as everyone else, I am still living a better life than some who have a hard time to even feed themselves a slice of bread. Nothing less from Him to me, but just enough for me to get through this 23 years of living. 

Thus, this post is just to remind myself and hopefully whoever that is reading it right now that life is a process of finding who you are and through that journey, countless blessing will be showered upon you even if you make mistakes along the way. Live your life a little. Take that risk in living your life not because of YOLO, but because through risk, you can see what others can't. Through risk, you will do things that others can't. And through that little leap of faith, even if you fall while taking the leap, you will always find way to stand back again and run. Only by taking risk, you will find your true potential. Don't be scared of your own fear that you create in your mind. 

Today, at this very moment, despite all the fun and craziness in my life, my prayers are still the same. It was a long journey I suppose but time flies like a bullet! How can 4 years past by just like that. Indeed, God's love comes in many way. Have you find your way?